I have been warning loud and clear that Marriage can be Heaven or Hell on Earth, depending on how you handle it. I’ve also repeatedly warned that there’s nothing new in a man or woman that you didn’t see while dating — you only thought you could either manage it, or that you would change your partner eventually, thus ascribing to yourself what only God can do, and He has not made you your mate’s changer. The saddest part is, if he or she was bad while you were dating, you can expect worse behavior during marriage, and it’s not a curse.
A lot of marital abuse is going on out there, which must never be tolerated. Some are verbal, emotional and even physical. And please don’t think it’s only men that are doing it — it comes from both parties. If you are tongue-lashed, destroyed with twisted eyes, denied everything including a sane conversation, get help quickly!
I’ve just heard of a terrible case. A recently divorced lady remarried and was very unhappy in the new marriage, which is very typical because a whole lot of people seldom learn lessons from their past mistakes. Well, she tongue-lashed her new husband, he couldn’t handle it, got out his gun and pumped it several times into her head. Marriage can take you to your grave prematurely. It’s not a sin or sickness to be single unless you are really sure. There’s no hospital where people are given a bed for being sex starved. It’s all in your mind. Get over that nonsense!
Can I give you yet another strong warning about this so-called imported wife or husband syndrome. I’m referring to those that go to foreign nations to bring a partner, often people they know very little about. Sometimes they only met on social media or a friend of a friend has introduced them. Then they hop on a plane to evaluate. Let me ask you, what do you think you can see or discover about this person in your few days of leaving your job to visit another country? I can tell you that the most foolish of them will do the best to sweep you off your feet – until you have finished processing their papers. When he or she is fully settled in the USA, then you will really know who you have married.
“Pastor, are you against marriage by post?” I’ve seen way too many foolish decisions, people, especially young ladies make. God’s Word says WATCH AND PRAY (Mat 26:4). It is God that instructs you to watch. He wants you to use your brain. Open your eyes, evaluate. You can’t marry a wayward lady, a lying man, a lazy gossip, a dirty squandermaniac, without vision, self-restraint or discipline. You can’t marry a club and party roller and expect your home to last. Open your eyes before you close it to pray.
For emphasis, let me remind those of you that are married that there is nothing your partner may be doing now that you never saw from the beginning, while you were dating. Why do you see a cliff and drive straight into it in the name of “God told me?” And some of you that now want out, was there not a time you were so crazy in love you convinced even the dog on the street that this was the angel you had been waiting for?
It never ceases to amaze me that when you want to buy a car you ask questions and have it checked out. But when it comes to who you will live with, someone that can so easily kill you, you become so naïve, it borders on stupidity!
And there is a disastrous, evil and worldly trend that has crept into the church – unmarried folks living together, sleeping together, etc. Have you not heard that sex is only permitted in marriage? Heb 13:4 says, “Let marriage be held in honor (esteemed worthy, precious, of great price, and especially dear) in all things. And thus let the marriage bed be undefiled (kept undishonored); for God will judge and punish the unchaste (guilty of sexual vice) and adulterous” – AMP.
It’s this shameful thing that has compelled me to ask “believers” in church for pregnancy test reports. If you built your marriage on lies, if you started by sleeping with one another before marriage, trust has been violated. Mutual suspicions will be the order in your home. If God doesn’t intervene, you know it would not last.
I wouldn’t waste words with adulterous men and women. NO! You know what you’re doing. Just stop! Leave other people’s wives or husbands. Remember, you will reap what you sow and what’s worse, your children after you will reap it in bigger volume. Stop it!
What are the Criteria for a Successful, Sweet and Lasting Marriage?
- No two can walk together unless they are in agreement (Amos 3:3). You cannot and should not marry someone you don’t get along with. When you go to the car lots, you see different kinds of cars. There are reasons why you choose the particular one you choose – price, reliability, maintenance, etc. Why do you come to marriage and you now deceive yourself, selecting just because he has a car and the other one doesn’t. Marriage begins with you. If you don’t like this person, God will not force him or her on you. And that’s the more reason you shouldn’t be sleeping with them and committing abortions, killing innocent kids and when in future you can’t get a child, you blame God, rather than admitting that you’re reaping what you sowed.
- The second is like the first: You cannot marry an unbeliever. Don’t tell me that he is in church, because Satan goes to church too (Job 2:1-2). Please don’t tell me he or she is a worker or sings or preaches in the church. Those are works. The Bible says by their fruits you will know them (Mat 7:16-21). Does he or she lie, cheat, forge papers, exaggerate, pretend, manipulate, vengeful, unforgiving, greedy, etc. Don’t even tell me he quotes scriptures. Doesn’t the devil tremble at it (Jam 2:19).
What will help your marriage to really last isn’t sex, explosive sex toys or dresses. In fact, if your home is built on this, you have no home. Your house is built on sand and when life’s storms hit, it will be washed away. Isn’t that the reason why so many started with such flamboyant and elaborate weddings only to become ship-wrecked within a short while.
Build your home on the Rock which is Christ! Together spend time with the loving God. The more time you are with Him, the more like Him you both become. And how do you do that? By listening to His Word together and doing what you hear. Let me say this again, if God doesn’t build your home, you’re headed downhill faster than you think. Get into the Word together with your partner and don’t leave the kids out.
I have met lots of “successful” couples, some that have been in it for 40, 45, 50 or 60 years. If you ask some of them, they are in it because they have no choice. But the few that have really manifested grace, love, peace, joy even when they don’t have much in material things – these are the real ones you need to emulate. And they are those that Read the Bible together, commit to doing what God showed them, they pray and fast together and their kids and kid’s kids follow after them.
God bless you. I suppose you can see that I’ve held nothing back. Don’t marry a violent, vengeful, angry, furious man or woman. Flee from liars, people with no authority figure over them. Unless you are ready to keep going back and forth to the mechanic, you don’t buy a troublesome car. The same goes with a partner whose family hates you. It’s going to be a long struggle that may kill your marriage. Notice I haven’t talked communication, your differences, etc. I’m a pastor, not a psychologist. I deal with you in totality not on the surface because the real you is Spirit, which these ephemeral things don’t touch. Let’s just say I love you enough to tell you the hard truth.
Peace, Love, Joy in the Holy Ghost!